


soft serve

by haech4n



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Teen Angst, Tension, i love mahae guys...., johnten if u squint... Lol, this was in the drafts for like 8 months
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 07:07:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29078322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haech4n/pseuds/haech4n
Summary: he wants to pretend like shipping off mark to another country isn’t a big deal: that, donghyuck—even though the two of them have been best friends since their moms reconnected when they were thirteen and fourteen—doesn’t need mark to sustain himself, and that it’s actually the other way around. (because what would mark do without his ever-so-sage advice and zealousness?)but hearts and minds don't align, and donghyuck's feelings betray him. he wishes mark would stay. that maybe he wouldn’t have gotten in, or that, he would somehow forsake his dreams and everything he wants for him (and the rest of their friends), but he knows he’s being selfish.tldr; mark gets into college, haechan doesn't want him to leave. they tiptoe around each other until their red string is taut enough to snap.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 3
Kudos: 13





	soft serve

**Author's Note:**

> you melt me like soft serve, one of my favorite songs by harry teardrop. go take a listen :p 
> 
> this is my first fic also .... would really appreciate any type of response :] hehe i hope u enjoy!!!

** soft serve **

**early february**

they’re seated around mark’s kitchen island, like knights at the round table, staring down at his laptop. 

it’s quiet. everyone’s afraid to speak. donghyuck is tempted to, but the uneasy silence, save for mark’s leg bouncing under the table, is first broken by chenle’s impatient outburst. “what does it say!” 

his leg jerks against the underbelly of the table, body visibly tense. “i don’t know,” he sighs, “it’s not loading.” mark runs his fingers through his hair as jeno’s moves to rub his shoulder.

they’ve been waiting on mark’s decision for months, and the outcome weighs heavily on their shoulders. donghyuck looks around the table, the seven of them sitting in suspense, and recognizes the tangible tension.

they’re all thinking about what they’ll do if mark gets in and leaves.

as if the other boys can read his mind, the mood shifts again. renjun and jaemin make eye contact, silently communicating their worries. _it’s suffocating._

out of their whole friend group, mark is the only senior. jaemin, renjun, jeno, and donghyuck himself, are all juniors, while chenle, a sophomore, and jisung, a measly freshman. and even though donghyuck knows that their time together will come to an end, he’s been trying to ignore it like his life depends on it.

donghyuck feels the suspense caving into the marble-topped island, all these worries and damning premonitions that he can _hear_ from friend's minds. he can’t stand it. he opens his mouth to joke about their unnatural quietness, but mark cuts him off before he gets the chance.

“it loaded,” he announces, and they all still. it feels like the whole world is holding their breath.

mark briefly glances at donghyuck, then clicks the touchpad without a second glance. he freezes momentarily before letting out a bright smile. 

“i got in!“ he tries to say, and the boys collapse themselves onto him in a group hug, shouting cheers and expletives in mark’s name.

the moment is pure happiness, because mark finally got into his dream college and dream major, a 3 year creative writing study-abroad program in canada. another celebration gleefully arises when they find out that mark received the ever-elusive full scholarship. 

“hold on, i want to get my camera to capture the moment,” jaemin yells, already exiting the room, hunting for a thrifted polaroid camera in his schoolbag.

as his footsteps patter away, jeno hugs mark, his eyes crinkling with a smile, and renjun joins the hug from the back. a pained groan comes from mark as the two of them squish him together, (in the name of love, of course).

right now, donghyuck is happy. he is. he _knows_ how hard mark worked to get into this program. with less than a 2% acceptance rate, he knows this is what mark deserves in return for his unrelenting effort and sacrifice. all of the late nights he pulled falling asleep in the library, the times he had to remind him to eat when he was working in _one_ more paragraph for his short essays, the glint in mark’s eyes when he talked about the possibility of returning back to vancouver, and how beautiful it was there... donghyuck knew it was what mark deserved. 

yet, even with jisung’s eyes pooling with tears of relief and happiness, with chenle’s radiant smile as he jumps up and down with excitement, and jaemin’s _click-click-click_ of his lens, an ugly beast named regret raises its head in the back of donghyuck’s brain.

he _wants_ to pretend like shipping off mark to another country isn’t a big deal: that, donghyuck—even though the two of them have been best friends since their moms reconnected when they were thirteen and fourteen—doesn’t need mark to sustain himself, and that it’s actually the other way around. (because what would mark do without his ever-so-sage advice and zealousness?)

but hearts and minds don't align, and donghyuck's feelings betray him. he wishes mark would stay. that maybe he wouldn’t have gotten in, or that, he would somehow forsake his dreams and everything he wants for him (and the rest of their friends), but he knows he’s being selfish. 

donghyuck's little thought bubble bursts when he meets eyes with mark. though, he can’t help smile when he does, and with their arms outstretched, they make their way to each other.

the hug is simultaneously strong and soft, donghyuck whispering congratulations in his ears and melting habitually into mark’s arms, but the way the latter grips him is different. he’s expecting the aggressive shaking mark gives him when he’s excited, but this time, it’s tender. it starts with him gripping donghyuck, toned arms ironing him as close as possible, but mark lingers a little too long, holds him a little too hard, and donghyuck is struck with the sensation of a goodbye.

there’s a flash, and donghyuck quickly detangles himself from the senior's arms, vision instantly blurring with the onset of tears. he's just being dramatic. he laughs it off, playfully hitting mark on the shoulder before walking towards jaemin, the source of the flash. a fresh polaroid exits from his bright pink fuji. 

he mentally thanks jaemin for the distraction, turning away from his best friend before he’s able to see the tears in his eyes. he can feel mark’s gaze on him, but he too, thankfully, ignores it, and follows him to jaemin. what has he done to deserve these people?

the duo perch their chins on each side of their photographer, watching him shake the polaroid. renjun chirps from across the room, “you know you’re not supposed to actually shake them, right?”

jisung laughs, clapping his hands at jaemin’s growing frown. “well, it worked!” the photographer rebuts, a pout still on his lips. he flips the polaroid to reveal the freshly formed image of the duo. 

at first glance, donghyuck thinks to himself, _damn_ , _jaemin’s got talent_. 

he captures way too much. for the photo itself... he hates it. 

he hates how it makes him feel. in the back of his head, he supposes that he probably looks like an idiot right now. if looks could kill, they could probably heal as well, and right now, donghyuck could probably be the recovery girl of the modern world.

his head is nestled in the crook of mark’s shoulder, arms wrapped right around his neck. mark, meanwhile... again, donghyuck doesn't want to be dramatic and emotional, but he can't help it. the elder's arms are wrapped around his waist, a sentimentally goofy smile on his lips. it’s almost saccharine, the way he looks, fondness pouring out of his expression.

donghyuck's thankful that jaemin captured mark's expression alone. he's not one to appreciate being read so easily, let alone having a moment of weakness be immortalized in imagery. if this is what mark looked like, he can't imagine what face he himself must have been wearing. 

_we look sweet_ , his mind treacherously confesses, softened by mark’s earnestness. he reaches for the polaroid but to his surprise, mark snatches it out of jaemin’s hands before he gets the chance.

“i want it,” the senior declares, eyes steady and grip firm on the picture. jaemin and donghyuck look at each other, as if to suggest, “ _it’s up to you,_ ” then back to mark. 

“well,” donghyuck hums in mock contemplation, “who am i to deny you on this special day?” 

to donghyuck’s teasing smile, mark returns a playful smirk and pockets the polaroid. it's cute. he loves when mark accepts his bait.

“alright!” renjun interjects, carrying in a large white cake from the other room. “cake time!”

“there’s nothing on it because we didn’t know if we were celebrating or cheering you up,” jeno adds.

mark laughs, pressing his hands over his eyes in a mix of bashfulness and absurdity. “i hate you guys.” 

“no you don’t.” chenle scoffs, a smile lingering on his lips.

“yeah, yeah,” mark dismisses, but grins nonetheless.

donghyuck laughs at his friends. it’s fun, like this, the seven of them.

he doesn’t want it to end.

* * *

**late february**

it only takes a few days for mark and his parents to sign everything off. he doesn’t ask donghyuck if he should commit to his program when he does. instead, he gives thousands of dollars and his future memories to some fancy university thousands of kilometers away.

and that’s fine, because it's a once in a lifetime opportunity, mark's dream of all these years. besides, it’s not like donghyuck's ever shown his hesitance to him anyways. he just wishes that his best friend of almost ten years would somehow read his mind, which, unfortunately, is begging and pleading, “ _stay with me, mark. stay here. don’t go._ ”

two weeks after his commitment, they’re lounging on donghyuck’s bed, huddled in the sanctuary that is his attic bedroom, when he thinks that _maybe_ he should’ve said something after all.

he’s half-heartedly listening to mark mumble as he scrolls through his options for housing, his feet dangling in the air. mark breaks the silence every few minutes with questions like, “should i get a double or a triple? do you think i’d be a noisy roommate? what if he hates me?”

to each question, donghyuck replies back a casual “ _double_ _”, “you once got detention for laughing too loudly,”_ and _“someone hating mark lee? that doesn’t seem right._ ” it’s easy, because donghyuck isn’t really susceptible to mark’s incessant worrying anymore. he knows mark will be fine. (also, he’s playing kartrider and jisung keeps beating him). _that son of a bitch_.

he only starts paying attention when mark shifts, first climbing towards the headboard where donghyuck is, then grabbing his phone out of his grasping fingers. the younger boy pouts, opening his mouth to let out an irritated, “ _hey! i haven’t beat that motherfucker yet,_ ” but mark interrupts with a stern and sudden, “i’m going to miss you,” before he gets the chance.

right as he says it, donghyuck’s caught off guard, because his little monkey brain is still singing along to kartrider’s neverending background music, and all of a sudden mark is talking about his feelings. even so, he refuses to let it show.

“oh?” he teases, resting his hands behind his head in a carefully curated pose that screams, _yes, nothing phases me, and i am totally relaxed right now!!!_ “i knew you’d be missing your soulmate since day one.”

mark chuckles. it’s a nervous laugh, if anything. “come on, i’m serious.” his tongue darts out to lick his lips. “i’ll miss you, hyuck.”

mark’s sincereness makes him squirm. they haven’t _really_ talked about him leaving yet, besides donghyuck’s jokes about him forgetting how to speak korean, the parties he’ll throw in his absence, losing his ride to school, and such. he doesn’t want to talk about it seriously; talking about it seriously like this means it’s real.

“i’m serious, too,” donghyuck pauses, gauging his best friend's reaction. mark refuses to back down. his eyes are expectant, and donghyuck's lips are already moving to reassure him. “we’re soulmates, mark.” 

aw, fuck.

instinctively, his fingers twitch in search for his phone, trying to physically carve a way out of this conversation. he meant to dig himself _out_ of this hole, not deeper. the item he's searching for is still held in mark’s palm. 

donghyuck looks up and sticks his hand out, exchanging a flashy and pointed smile in the hopes of getting his chosen distraction back.

it's already too late, though. donghyuck regrets meeting eyes with mark. he's soft, trying to elicit a response out of him by his gaze only, and donghyuck doesn’t want see mark look at him like that: like he’s a hunter, trying to lure a skittish animal into a trap, refraining from making any sudden moves before adrenaline kicks in and donghyuck flees in the name of survival.

donghyuck wiggles his hand in reminder, and mark hands the phone back to him as a peace offering. their fingers brush in the exchange.

“yeah… soulmates,” he settles, his voice just above a whisper.

they're staring now. or, mark's staring, because donghyuck still can't meet his eyes. his stare settles somewhere on the bottom half of his best friend's stupidly pretty face.

it’s fucking stifling in here. he knows his bedroom is in the attic and that heat rises, but it’s the frigid winter in seoul and by no means should his room be this hot.

mark swallows, and his gaze falls from mark’s supple lips to his bobbing adams apple.

this happens all too often for the two of them. donghyuck’s a taut string, ready to be torn in half at any second. for a moment, he almost succumbs to the pressure, the ghost of mark’s fingers against his feels all too real.

it's simply a moment of weakness, because sirens go off in his head. his brain screams _hello?_ _danger! mark lee is going to leave you alone in five months, dumbass!_ and well, donghyuck’s never been one to self-sabatoge.

the tension snaps when his donghyuck's mom calls from downstairs, “boys! do you want some fruit?”

they chorus affirmations at the proposition, and donghyuck is unwound, all too eager to hop off his bed, away from that moment and away from mark.

* * *

**mid march**

just like mark is a staple at donghyuck’s house, donghyuck is one at mark’s. the lee’s love him, and he's continuously reminded that he's welcome in their home anytime. (it might just be because he can cook and help out during dinners, but he’ll take it nonetheless. better than mark's useless ass in the kitchen, anyway.)

it isn’t uncommon to see him at mark’s place when he’s not there. call it the perks of being family friends for almost fifteen years, donghyuck lets himself in whenever with the spare key underneath the doormat. they’re family now, is what it is.

this time though, he didn't show up uninvited. the two of them had made plans to watch a movie together—donghyuck's been wanting to watch the sequel to the kissing booth—and mark is unusually late.

after fifteen or so minutes of waiting, donghyuck's phone chimes, a string of messages from "loser <3" popping up on his screen. donghyuck lets out an exasperated sigh, swiping up to unlock his phone. _finally_ , _why was mark keeping him waiting?_

he regrets his curiosity.

**loser <3**: i’m so sorry i’m late

 **loser <3**: i was on my way home from practice... someone stopped me for white day

 **loser <3**: don’t be mad :(

 **loser <3**: i’m omw rn... and i’ve got chocolate we can share ahaha

donghyuck rolls his eyes imagining it in his head. this is why he hates white day. 

typical mark lee. stupid boy next door charms and unnecessary politeness that makes everyone fall for him. he sighs again, _everyone indeed_.

he’s probably got twenty more minutes until mark gets back. donghyuck sighs, allowing his mind to run free with daydreams. always mark lee and the pretty girls. he wonders who it was this time. 

he lays upside down on the living room sofa, rotting in his curiosity, trying to remember the last time he spotted mark talking to a girl. was it kang mina? they had a school project together recently... mark might say yes to her. he remembers that they were friendly. but friendly enough for her to have a crush on him? 

donghyuck scoffs. it wouldn't be the first time. 

he's almost tempted to look up her instagram to search for clues when the doorknob rattles.

donghyuck's first response is surprise, then second is fear, because mark can't have been back yet. he just received his text a minute ago. it's way too early. 

donghyuck moves to flip himself upright and run to the kitchen to draw a knife, but the door opens.

mark's older brother stands at the frame.

this is _also_ a surprise to donghyuck.

he squints. johnny is supposed to be away at college, attending university all the way in chicago. he must be losing it. losing his mind because of mark’s stupid litt— _oh_. it's the middle of march, aka, spring break for american colleges. 

johnny's momentary shock matches his, but is instantly replaced with a smile. donghyuck is already shouting his name, running to greet him with a bear hug. if there's anyone that can hold a candle to mark, it's johnny. the family has quite a grip on him it seems.

"donghyuck! how have you been?" johnny looks down to him, laughing and ruffling his hair. he's unfazed by his presence in their home, it's expected by now.

they start to catch up. johnny tells him about college, how nice it is to be able to speak english everywhere again, the friends he's made, and so on. donghyuck listens intently, because he really did miss johnny. he's always felt like a real brother to him.

donghyuck is the oldest child in his household, and even though mark is older than him, he's never felt the age difference. johnny is the closest thing he has to an older sibling. he's told him things that he hasn't been able to tell mark, johnny's soft eyes and nonjudgemental words were always a reassurance to him. he knows johnny's fond of him too. they joke about donghyuck being his _real_ younger brother.

after all, the resemblance in wit is clear.

so, after all these years, donghyuck likes to think he knows johnny well. when he spends a bit too much time talking about a certain someone, it catches donghyuck’s attention. johnny’s describing a dance showcase in great detail, centering on some mysterious boy. to this, donghyuck sits up, eyes glinting with mischief. 

"so, you have a boyfriend?" he asks, point blank.

johnny rolls his eyes, but it's not very biting with the grin he wears on his face. "typical donghyuck. always so curious." 

donghyuck gasps dramatically, hands flying to paw at johnny's sweater. "that wasn't a no!" 

"that wasn't a yes, either." the older boy is quick to shut him down. donghyuck pouts. he's normally more fun than this.

"so... what are you guys then?"

johnny pauses, smiling to himself for a moment. "i guess you could say we're kind of like you and mark." he raises his eyebrows at donghyuck, who furrows his. 

"what is that supposed to mean?" he feigns innocence, but he already knows what johnny's insinuating. _damn it._ he hates being confronted like this. 

"come on, donghyuck," johnny probes. he hesitates at donghyuck's silence, accompanied by a small pout. "has anything happened since we last talked?"

donghyuck bites his lip. this isn't the first time they've spoken about his feelings for mark, but he's typically much more inebriated during those conversations. "well, someone just confessed to him like twenty minutes ago," he grumbles, eyes flicking up to meet johnny's. "so... not much."

johnny grimaces. "is that why you’re here alone?"

donghyuck nods. the silence returns.

"you know..." johnny starts, "i always thought mark would've made a move by now." he looks at the younger boy. "he came to me once about you."

donghyuck waits.

"it was only once. he cried, though." donghyuck scoffs and johnny hits him, smiling. "he did! it was that time you were in the hospital. when you broke your leg at the park."

"ohh." donghyuck laughs. "that was fucking gross. the bone showed and everything."

"yeah it _was._ i was there." johnny rolls his eyes. "but for mark... he said that's when he first realized he had feelings for you." 

" _that's_ what made him realize?" donghyuck asks, disbelievingly. "what was it? the hole in my shin or the way i passed out in the ambulance?" 

the elder groans. "how does anyone put up with you two? i thought you weren't dense."

"i take offense to that, hyung."

"alright, listen. i probably shouldn't be telling you this, but i'm tired of seeing you guys waiting around." johnny leans back into the couch. "he said he cared about you. in a way that scared him. do you get it now?"

donghyuck does. he's been trying to ignore it, but as johnny put it, he's not dense.

"i _know_ this isn't news to you. it hasn't been for years. so what's stopping you?"

he thinks. the answer opens the door a moment later. 

mark's soaked head to toe, his wet hair dripping all over the carpet. when did it start raining? 

"sorry i'm late hyuc—johnny?" his eyes bulge at his older brother lounging on their couch.

"sup, little bro." he waves, an amused smile on his lips.

donghyuck laughs at mark's sputtering questions, melting back into the sofa. he promises that he'll speak to mark... eventually. just a little longer, like this. it's all he wants. 

* * *

**early april**

the crowd cheers. they're in second place, the fourth lane’s swimmer just an arm's stretch ahead of them. jeno's butterfly stroke is beautiful, as usual. his hands hit the edge of the pool and mark dives above him, slipping into the water. jeno’s head bobs out of the water, breathing heavily after his lap.

it's a tight race. donghyuck's hands squeeze against his seat. "GO! MARK! YOU CAN DO THIS!" he's shouting at the top of his lungs, hoping that somehow mark can hear him even though half his head is submerged underwater. 

mark says he can’t, but it’s never stopped him from trying.

it's close, but mark moves past the fourth swimmer with ease. he's always been a natural at freestyle. he melts with the water, their tail end racer.

it's their last meet of the season, last season of the year, last season of mark’s high school career. donghyuck is standing now, shouting so loud that the moms next to him glare. 

when mark’s hand hits the wall, his head raises out of the water to meet an eruption of cheers.

* * *

"cheers to the dream team!" donghyuck shouts, raising his cup in the air, juice spilling out onto his living room carpet.

"to the dream team!" the rest of them echo, boisterous, their voices echoing in the house. 

the following applause goes out to mark, reigning captain of the past two years. he's _gently_ suggested to give a speech by his younger peers, specifically donghyuck, until he begrudgingly relents.

with a shy smirk on his face, he holds up his cup of apple juice, proud and tall. he then diverts to jeno, as "the new captain of the dream team! please give us a speech!"

his declaration is met with boos, again, specifically from donghyuck, as mark laughs his way back to his seat, and beckons for jeno to rise away from his.

jeno groans in complaint, but is shoved back and forth between renjun and jaemin until he arises, jisung and chenle laughing behind them. jeno mimics his senior in holding his cup up, beginning his speech in jest but eventually decides on relaying mark's legacy, and the moment goes from lighthearted to tender. 

donghyuck rests his head on mark's shoulder, listening quietly to jeno relay the moment mark ripped his swim trunks at last year's regional meeting. he's thinking about the end of an era when mark's phone flashes bright on his lap. 

**mina:** are you free this saturday?

suddenly donghyuck's mood turns sour. mark fumbles with his phone, trying to flip over his screen when he reads the text, but it's too late. 

“you’re hanging out with mina?” donghyuck questions, raising his head from the elder's shoulders. he furrows his eyebrows in confusion, but perhaps, moreso anger. 

“ah.. yeah." mark hesitates, not meeting his eyes. "we’ve been texting more since um... she confessed.”

“i thought you rejected her.” donghyuck replies. 

“yeah, i did." mark enunciated. "but she’s cool. we started talking more after that.” mark licks his lips.

“do you like her?” 

"what?" mark exasperates, finally turning his head towards the younger.

“tell me.” 

they stare at each other for a moment, eyes meeting like the clash of swords. “what if i did? it's not like we're dating.” mark tests, eyes fiery and voice steely.

donghyuck drops his weapon, surprised. “right. that’s good." he swallows. "if she likes you back, i mean. that’s good.”

mark scoffs, letting out a heavy breath. “yeah... it’s good.” he concludes, pursing his lips, notes of bitter mugwort on the tip of his tongue. 

the two of them return to the normal world, only to be affronted with suffocating silence settling in the room, the other five boys staring at them.

when did jeno finish his speech? 

haechan attempts to explain, “guys—“

“—wow i’m really craving sushi! should we go eat?” renjun suddenly declares, jumping out of his seat.

renjun walks toward chenle and reaches for him, tugging him up and shoving him in the direction of the door. 

mark rises, "i'll driv—"

"you know what?" jeno interjects, eyes following jaemin already walking out the door, chenle being pushed out by renjun. "we’ll get it and bring it back." 

donghyuck reaches out and grabs renjun, fisting his collar, pulling the smaller boy to meet his face. “are you really going to do this to me," he glowers, voice low and furious.

renjun shoves him off. “figure this shit out. i’m tired of being in between you guys.” he grabs his jacket off the couch and mumbles offhandedly, "come on jisung, let's go."

the duo turn to their youngest, looking like a deer in headlights. “oh i left my wallet... in the car." he trips on the couch corner and haechan sighs. "so. the—i’m gonna go with them. bye"

and with that, they are alone.

mark and donghyuck stand in silence, the buzz of the fluorescent lights buzzing all to loud.

donghyuck moves to take his jacket as well, to follow the rest of his friends out the door, but mark stops him.

“are we going to talk about what happened back there?” mark's hand grips his wrist.

“i don't know what's talk about." he lies. "you like her. case closed," donghyuck dismisses, eyes tracing the stitching of the carpet beneath their feet.

mark steps back, letting go of his wrist. donghyuck's stomach curls when he realizes he wishes his hand was still encircled around his own. mark whispers, gently, as if he's asking for a secret. “donghyuck. can’t you be honest with me?” 

he can't.

mark scoffs, formerly pleading eyes rolling into his head. “do you—we, what _are_ we?” 

“nothing mark. nothing.” donghyuck says listlessly. 

“don’t say that. you’re lying. i know you’re lying to yourself.” the elder's voice is wet with frustration. he grasps his hands once more, squeezing as if his thoughts would be known by touch. 

“i'm not." donghyuck barks back. he can feel his blood pulsing beneath his fingertips, hot and painful, his hands itching to maim. so he does. "what don’t you fucking get hyung? we’re nothing.”

“you don’t MEAN THAT!” mark roars, his grip on donghyuck's hand turning white.

donghyuck winces, steely eyes pooling with tears.

“i’m sorry." mark instantly releases, backing away from the boy in front of him. "i’m so sorry." donghyuck doesn't move. how does he tell him that it wasn't painful, and that he's crying for an entirely different reason?

"i just don’t understand, hyuck. you feel it too, don’t you?” donghyuck looks up, his own watery eyes matching the elder's pleading ones. he loves him. donghyuck already loves him so much. that's never been a question and the two of them stand still, overwhelmingly aware of the fact. but he already loves him so much already, he doesn't know if he could handle loving him anymore, knowing he would be leaving so soon. that's just not a risk he's willing to take.

mark holds his face, studying his expression, admiration and silent begging pouring through his expression.

“mark...” donghyuck manages a whisper, so soft it tickles mark's fingers. 

mark leans in ever so slowly, tender lips a breath away from donghyuck’s own. so excruciatingly close, and donghyuck feels like a taut string once more, tension replacing the air in his lungs, warmth pooling in the bottom of his stomach, eyes fluttering akin to a butterfly's flap, and mark's warm, warm, hand fitting right around his cheeks. but he's wound too taut, and the string is choking him.

donghyuck pulls away, feeling like his heart is exploding, ripping open his rib cage and tearing out his lungs.

“no.” he gasps, shaking out of mark's soft embrace. 

he can't do it: can’t bring himself to blame mark for leaving, for living his life and pursuing his dreams: can't ask him to stay: can't be brave enough to love him then see him go. he knows mark would stay if he just asked. so he doesn’t. 

"why?" mark pleads.

“i just... can’t.” donghyuck's face steels over.

“why. tell me why.” mark gets on his knees.

the younger can't bear to look. “i don’t want to," he manages.

“i can’t read your mind donghyuck,” mark’s voice is watery, rigid and spent.

“i never asked you to.”

“is this what you want, then, hyuck?" mark looks down. "i’m asking you, one last time. is this what you want?” donghyuck pretends not to hear the shudder in his words.

donghyuck remains frigid and unfeeling, staring coldly away from him. “yes.”

he doesn't move when mark lets out a heavy breath, not when he rises from his knees, or when he holds donghyuck's limp hand in his own, or when mark ghosts a final kiss on his knuckles, or even when he closes the door shut or hears the start of the car's engine. he only manages to collapse into himself when he can no longer hear the sound of mark driving away. 

well, donghyuck sighs, there goes my ride to school. 


End file.
